Archive for Boo hoo

Oh boy!

So I have been thanking God, my accupuncturist and the academy that I have not experienced the terrible side effects that I could have while being on Lupron. I have the occasional bout of sheer exhaustion, my patience is pretty thin and my sleep isn’t what it could be, but other than that things are pretty tolerable. That is, until today. We can file this under the thin patience category. Times 10. I mentioned in my previous entry about the brunch with the inlaws. What I didn’t get into was the incredibly strange behavior of my MIL. Now, I do love my MIL. She’s got her quirks but she loves her family and it only took me 4 of the 8 years that I’ve been married to be considered part of that! OK, maybe not…ok, maybe just a little. When hubby and I first got married I knew it would not be easy for her to get over the idea that her son (oldest and only) was now married, and he had another woman in his life who was number 1. Or maybe it was that he loves my cooking that sent her over the edge. Either way, the first couple years I was married I felt like I had to train my MIL how to be a MIL without me winding up on the 7:00 news. I have to say, the worst was the Christmas season with every weekend taken up with parties with different aunts and uncles and family friends. On hubby’s side. I was lucky my family got to see me on Christmas at all. After a panic attack at one of these parties and 1 month of not being able to eat from being so anxious about dealing with the inlaws (really just MIL) I think she realized that she should probably ease up with the demands or I would wind up dead or something. We got into the swing of things over the next 5 years. I even think she was prepared for when my SIL got married and didn’t go too crazy. I thought we had gotten through the worst of it when lo and behold we are invited to brunch last Sunday. Now you get the details. At the beginning of this month I informed all my close friends and family not to expect seeing us very much this month. Not many people know what we are going through but for those who do, hubby and I told them that we weren’t sure how I would feel on the medicine and since I wanted to stay as stress free as possible while going through this IVF, we would be taking things one day at a time. Meaning if we were going to make plans, we would either make them the day of or have to option to bail out last minute. Fortunately, I have been feeling pretty good so far, but I was happy to have been up front with everyone so we are all on the same page. Who is going to argue with that? Three guesses. Now being invited to brunch wasn’t the problem since we involked our right to bail out if need be, the problem was the stringent 11am deadline to show up at the restaurant. My MIL must have insisted 30 times that it was important, nay VITAL that we get there at 11am. Not 11:01, not 11:10, but 11:00 ON THE DOT. She stressed it so much that hubby thought she and FIL had terrible news to tell us and they wanted us there on time. I would have thought it was my baby shower only I’m not pregnant yet. So what was the reason to stress the time so much she stressed me out? She even called my SIL to complain that hubby and I were always late and so not to bother to get to the restaurant until 11:15. We got no such call. Long story short, hubby and I were there at 10:55, SIL and BIL were there at about 11:10 and MIL, FIL and little SIL didn’t show up until 11:30. WTF? Well, they ruined that. Now if MIL gets all tyrannical about a show up time, hubby is going to put his foot down and tell her that they can tell us what time they would like us to be somewhere but for the rest of our lives don’t tell us that we have to be there like she did this time. Especially if she is going to be late. So all this added stress on me when she knew I didn’t want to deal with these stupid, guilt filled, games. I guess she was fine to be supportive and non-stressful until it interfered with what she wanted.

Are you ready to hear more? Fast forward to today and this time I am having a conversation with MY mom. God bless her, she drives me nuts sometimes but it’s getting better. Not today, though. Today she decided that she wants hubby and I to plan on coming down this weekend for a Valentine’s dinner. Only she didn’t say it like that. I got everything she learned from her Guilt trip 101 class. “I would ask you guys to come down to my house but I know you don’t usually come down except for holidays.” Untrue but this is how a guilt trip is introduced into the conversation. Now I have to defend myself. But I didn’t. I got pissed. Can you say Lupron? “Mom, I told you that we were not making definate plans this month…” Blah, blah, blah. Now, my MIL doesn’t really know what’s going on day to day with me so she doesn’t know what goes into IVF everyday. My mom does. And she had been supportive for the most part. She even sent me a nice package of beauty stuff to make me feel good. AND she didn’t tell me about one of my childhood friends that just had her second baby. That’s progress. Then today happens and her guilt trip got me so…so…@$T^&)O$^@&%!!!!! That’s right. No words at all. Again, supportive until it’s not convenient for her. Do mom and MIL get together and plot these things? Most likely.

Wow, over 1000 words, I must have needed to vent. Are you asleep yet? News from the IVF front – I believe AF is showing up any day now. I’m crying like a baby and pretty much everything (like the pic of a koala bear caught in the Australian wildfires drinking out of a fireman’s water bottle) and I’m starting to get crampy. Classic signs of an impending period. Good. As soon as AF shows up I will hopefully be able to start stims. Let’s get this dog and pony act on the road before I get anymore loopy from Lupron!

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Already feeling yucky and a bit negative.

My first BCP was yesterday and I was worried about taking it for most of the day.  Who knew such a tiny pill would cause me so much stress?  The cleaners were at the house and one of them sprayed some pretty awful shower cleaner and I practically swallowed it and I was nauseous for about 4 hours after that.  Blah.  Then hubby and I had to drive up 4 hours in an ice storm for a business trip for him.  I felt fine until about the last 1/2 hour.  In the hotel I crammed myself with bread and about 10 chocolate chip cookies and then took the pill because I didn’t want to take it on an empty stomach.  I thought “not so bad”, then about an hour later it hit me.  I was super sick for hours and finally after chewing on a piece if ginger for a while, I started feeling better.  I slept OK but not really a solid night so today I woke up tired and still a little queasy.  I’m thinking that I felt bad last night because of all the cookies and not so much the pill.  I haven’t eaten anything today so I’m going to nibble on a banana or something and then around 10pm or so I’ll take my pill, this time with a slice of bread and NO cookies!  Hubby and I got in an argument (who could blame us, after driving home another 4 hours in less than 24 hours from the last 4 hour trip) and that didn’t help me feel better.   Sometimes I feel pressure from him to be this perfect type of wife, all happy-go-lucky and content, but I’m just not.  I have had this burden of infertility in my heart for years and it’s taken it’s toll.  That, plus the added pressure of this IVF cycle; it’s no wonder my stomach is queasy so much.  Oh, well, I guess it’s just one of the things I have to learn to not get me stressed out.  My main concern right now is that if I’m exhausted from the fertility meds, I’ll feel like I have to fight through just to make hubby happy instead of listening to my body and resting.  I know I’ll have to talk to him about this and I’m hoping that talk will go well.    Anyway, I’m hoping to feel better tonight, I can’t wait to get to sleep.  I have a girls night out tomorrow that I am actually dreading but I promised I’d go so hopefully I’ll feel ok for that.  Sigh, bummer of a blog today, I hope they get better!

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