Archive for Pissy and I kind of hate everyone right now.

My soup…my soup…

As I type these posts and as you read them I think you will notice a trend happening. That would be the downward spiral that is my emotional state. I thank God every day for the medical technology that hopefully will allow me, as it has thousands of others, to finally have a baby. But woo-wee, these hormones are kickin’ my butt! I told hubby today that if we have to go through another IVF cycle, we will handle things a little differently. Apparently, being upfront and honest with (select) family and friends and telling them NOT to expect to see us much this month and to let them know that I want to be as calm and stress free as possible is not working. What part of “It’s only a month, just give us this month” do they not understand? OK, I am really only talking about the Mothers and now one friend. And although I don’t fault this friend for inviting me (and a million other people) to a weekend in the mountains, it was her reaction to my decline of the invite that rubbed me the wrong way.

Me: I would love to go with you! It sounds like so much fun! I’m afraid that I will be sticking around the house for the next few weeks, though. Let me know all about the trip when you get back and hopefully we can get together for dinner or something.

My friend”s reply: Sounds like you had embryos implanted. Best of luck to you.

My reply: Actually, I’m on the medication still and will be starting my monitoring soon. I’ll be having a TRANSFER later this month. (I didn’t all caps in my email to her, but for God’s sake, I’m sick of hearing about doctors IMPLANTING embryos. Thanks a lot, ignorant media covering the octuplet mom story.)

Back to my friend. We have been friends for a few years now and she is one of the few that is aware of my fertility situation. I don’t usually talk to her about it, but she knows. So I was a little surprised she was so, I don’t know, cold in her reply. Best of luck to me? Gee, thanks. OK, that’s me being pissy. You can never get across emotions successfully in an email. I’ll give her a break.

So now we go on to my other issue. The Mothers. I’m pretty much over the stunt my MIL pulled over the weekend. And I had almost forgotten my own mother’s near successful use of the guilt trip yesterday. She wanted to come up today to give me a hug. (Mind you, she lives and hour away so it’s nice to get a visit since I don’t see her all the time.) Sweet, you say. Well, the hug wasn’t for my sake, it was for her. She wanted a hug because it makes her feel better. Fine. Many times my mom comes up last minute and gets to my house around lunchtime. She doesn’t give me time to prepare for the visit and is alway unpleasantly surprised when I don’t have tuna, cold cuts or something else that I don’t eat, sitting in the fridge waiting for her. Drives me nuts. So today I know she’s coming and I decided to give her a Valentine’s day card and buy her lunch at Panera Bread. Now, I love love love Panera’s potato soup. I could eat it for lunch every day. Unfortunately, they only make it on mon, wed and sat and even then they run out of it around 1:30 or so. So if I have a hankering for soup, I put in a phone order by 12:30 for 2 soups so I can have one that day and the next day for lunch. I do this a couple of times a month. It makes me happy. So today is wed and I knew that I would enjoy having some soup and my mom could get whatever she wanted. So as we sat in the livingroom, I called Panera and ordered the soup. I told my mom that we could order her lunch when we got there (she doesn’t usually get potato soup) but I needed to put in my order before they ran out. Great. We drove there and stood in line. I’m thinking my mom will order what she wants and I’ll just have them put it on the same tab. So she says “Let me get a salad, and just add it to one of the soups.” OK, it’s cheaper to get a soup and half salad, so in her mind (so I think) she is saving me money. I’m thinking it’s weird she is only getting a salad but she did mention she had a big breakfast so maybe she’s not that hungry. We get back to the house (I didn’t want to eat at Panera because it was so crowded) and as I was getting out a bowl for my soup, I turned around to put my other soup in the fridge and there she is, up to her elbows in my soup. MY SOUP! I couldn’t believe it. She was eating my lunch for tomorrow.

Me: Ma, what are you doing? That’s my soup!
Mom: No it’s not, I got a soup and salad.
Me: Why didn’t you just get your own soup?
Mom: I thought you ordered 2 soups because one was for me.
Me: No, I told you I usually get 2, I would never order a soup for you without asking what kind you wanted.
Mom: Well, I’ll just have a little. But I want the bread.
Me: The bread is the best part. Just have the whole thing.
Mom: No, no, I just want a little.
Me: I’ll just get some later. (I didn’t.)

So I had to sit there, eating my ONLY soup, and watch as she slurped up my other soup and oohed and aahed over how yummy it was. I actually had to take deep breaths because I was ready to go ballistic! I mean, I wouldn’t have surprised myself if I stormed out the door. It took me a good 20 minutes to get over it. I had to force myself to talk to her because I knew I was being totally irrational. I’m laughing about it now, but I was LIVID!

So, that is my latest Lupron induced madness story. Plus, AF hasn’t arrived yet. I’m passed the crying stage and on to the “If you do anything to piss me off I’ll rip out your throat” stage. Mom got off easy. Poor hubby just got home. He should just go to bed…


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Oh boy!

So I have been thanking God, my accupuncturist and the academy that I have not experienced the terrible side effects that I could have while being on Lupron. I have the occasional bout of sheer exhaustion, my patience is pretty thin and my sleep isn’t what it could be, but other than that things are pretty tolerable. That is, until today. We can file this under the thin patience category. Times 10. I mentioned in my previous entry about the brunch with the inlaws. What I didn’t get into was the incredibly strange behavior of my MIL. Now, I do love my MIL. She’s got her quirks but she loves her family and it only took me 4 of the 8 years that I’ve been married to be considered part of that! OK, maybe not…ok, maybe just a little. When hubby and I first got married I knew it would not be easy for her to get over the idea that her son (oldest and only) was now married, and he had another woman in his life who was number 1. Or maybe it was that he loves my cooking that sent her over the edge. Either way, the first couple years I was married I felt like I had to train my MIL how to be a MIL without me winding up on the 7:00 news. I have to say, the worst was the Christmas season with every weekend taken up with parties with different aunts and uncles and family friends. On hubby’s side. I was lucky my family got to see me on Christmas at all. After a panic attack at one of these parties and 1 month of not being able to eat from being so anxious about dealing with the inlaws (really just MIL) I think she realized that she should probably ease up with the demands or I would wind up dead or something. We got into the swing of things over the next 5 years. I even think she was prepared for when my SIL got married and didn’t go too crazy. I thought we had gotten through the worst of it when lo and behold we are invited to brunch last Sunday. Now you get the details. At the beginning of this month I informed all my close friends and family not to expect seeing us very much this month. Not many people know what we are going through but for those who do, hubby and I told them that we weren’t sure how I would feel on the medicine and since I wanted to stay as stress free as possible while going through this IVF, we would be taking things one day at a time. Meaning if we were going to make plans, we would either make them the day of or have to option to bail out last minute. Fortunately, I have been feeling pretty good so far, but I was happy to have been up front with everyone so we are all on the same page. Who is going to argue with that? Three guesses. Now being invited to brunch wasn’t the problem since we involked our right to bail out if need be, the problem was the stringent 11am deadline to show up at the restaurant. My MIL must have insisted 30 times that it was important, nay VITAL that we get there at 11am. Not 11:01, not 11:10, but 11:00 ON THE DOT. She stressed it so much that hubby thought she and FIL had terrible news to tell us and they wanted us there on time. I would have thought it was my baby shower only I’m not pregnant yet. So what was the reason to stress the time so much she stressed me out? She even called my SIL to complain that hubby and I were always late and so not to bother to get to the restaurant until 11:15. We got no such call. Long story short, hubby and I were there at 10:55, SIL and BIL were there at about 11:10 and MIL, FIL and little SIL didn’t show up until 11:30. WTF? Well, they ruined that. Now if MIL gets all tyrannical about a show up time, hubby is going to put his foot down and tell her that they can tell us what time they would like us to be somewhere but for the rest of our lives don’t tell us that we have to be there like she did this time. Especially if she is going to be late. So all this added stress on me when she knew I didn’t want to deal with these stupid, guilt filled, games. I guess she was fine to be supportive and non-stressful until it interfered with what she wanted.

Are you ready to hear more? Fast forward to today and this time I am having a conversation with MY mom. God bless her, she drives me nuts sometimes but it’s getting better. Not today, though. Today she decided that she wants hubby and I to plan on coming down this weekend for a Valentine’s dinner. Only she didn’t say it like that. I got everything she learned from her Guilt trip 101 class. “I would ask you guys to come down to my house but I know you don’t usually come down except for holidays.” Untrue but this is how a guilt trip is introduced into the conversation. Now I have to defend myself. But I didn’t. I got pissed. Can you say Lupron? “Mom, I told you that we were not making definate plans this month…” Blah, blah, blah. Now, my MIL doesn’t really know what’s going on day to day with me so she doesn’t know what goes into IVF everyday. My mom does. And she had been supportive for the most part. She even sent me a nice package of beauty stuff to make me feel good. AND she didn’t tell me about one of my childhood friends that just had her second baby. That’s progress. Then today happens and her guilt trip got me so…so…@$T^&)O$^@&%!!!!! That’s right. No words at all. Again, supportive until it’s not convenient for her. Do mom and MIL get together and plot these things? Most likely.

Wow, over 1000 words, I must have needed to vent. Are you asleep yet? News from the IVF front – I believe AF is showing up any day now. I’m crying like a baby and pretty much everything (like the pic of a koala bear caught in the Australian wildfires drinking out of a fireman’s water bottle) and I’m starting to get crampy. Classic signs of an impending period. Good. As soon as AF shows up I will hopefully be able to start stims. Let’s get this dog and pony act on the road before I get anymore loopy from Lupron!

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